I'm afraid I have to admit it. I am in denial no longer. My job is insane and I am slowly losing the plot (I already hear all the 'what do you mean slowly' gags so don't bother!).
Over the last few weeks, I have gone from researching a Written question to the Commission on the use of Filament lightbulbs in heavy machinery to the abuse of human rights of several hundred thousand Croation-Serb refugees to finding out if our long-line fishing fleets hurt sea birds and now da-da-da-darrr - writting a short briefing on the situation in Israel/Palestine for the boss before a meeting with a Peace group...
WHAT THE HELL!?!?!??!
How do I write a SHORT bloody briefing on bloody ISRAEL/PALESTINE!!!! Especially when I still have all the REALLY interesting knowledge about the use of filament lightbulbs in the health and safety apparatus involved with that handy LATHE we all have in the shed!!!
My grasp on reality and normality was tenuous at best when I came over here but now, living in a schizophrenic country, doing work like this and (as anybody who works for The Party will tell you) having my blood slowly replaced pint by pint by a heady mix of ACP-friendly caffine and medicinal alcohol I fear the end is nigh...
Either I achieve something that has been beyond every Academic, Journalist, Politician and Conspiracy-theorist alive or I accept one of those lovely coats with the straps on the sleeves.
Either a short Shalom on the West Bank or a Long Goodbye in the Asylum...
Hmm how do you say 'I'm screwed' in Hebrew...
Tuesday 29 May 2007
Wednesday 23 May 2007
Vote Labour because we're nice!
This will certainly find any tories reading this blog but as its abit slow at the mo and this has been rolling around in my head for - well - ever why not!
This issue came into sharper focus for me a couple of weeks ago. Some student on an Erasmus year studying in Europe had begged a couple of weeks work experience in our office and so I had to give him the obligatory tour of the Parliament, 'you will get lost here... here you'll definitely get lost... if you ever end up here you're lost' that type of thing. The tour was almost over as we got back to the 13th floor where the office is and I was running out of things to say to this person. Anyway I noticed the pictures on the wall and hit on a weak anecdote.
To contradict the above I have only got lost in the Parliament once. The MEP offices are housed in two separate blocks of the Parliament on opposite sides of the building, one block for the right (ie Tories etc) one for the left. Anyway I once came out of a meeting on the 'dark side' of the building and without thinking went to the nearest lifts and up to the 13th floor forgetting which side I was on. The reason I realised my mistake was because the walls of the 13th floor weren't covered in photos. The place was grey, miserable and mean looking. I'm sure our 13th floor would be the same was it not for all the photos: of MEPs, Assistants, meetings, parties, everything. It makes it really cheerful, bright, a place that is welcoming instead of sucking the life out of you. Anyway I was relaying this to the wide-eyed student next to me and I carried on ramming home my point without really thinking.
'Its little things like this that prove you made the right decision joining us and not them' I said.
At which point a man going through a Strasbourg case (every office has one for the monthly exodus) in the corridor laughed, I looked at him and realised it was Stephen Hughes, MEP for the North East. Smiling he said:
'Yeah Vote Labour because we're nice people!'
And we all laughed.
But then I got thinking abit (I guess it was a slow day) and I thought actually that is by far the best political message ever! Vote for us because we are NICE!
And its bloody true! I've met plenty of people in the Labour Party, many have annoyed me, angered me, pissed me off but I know for a fact that in their own special way they will go out of their way to help others, to make things better for those around them: they are nice. And you can extrapolate this idea out further. For the same reason we put photos on our walls, to cheer others up, make things abit better, Socialist MEPs treat their Interns better, they campaign for equality and an ending of poverty, they voted last month to denounce Homophobeia in Poland and demand the Commission look at the situation, not because it affects them but because they want to help.
And in the same way we can go beyond the lack of photos on the walls in the tory corridor. They didn't do that because it would take effort on their part and hey my office is alright so who cares? Screw the rest of them. The right protects their class interests, they pull the ladder up behind them, they are alright so screw everybody else. That's why one Tory MEP only ever hires blonde big-bosomed Interns and harrasses them, thats why they side with their mates in big business, thats why it was Tories who brought in Section 28 and who even today abstained on the Homophobeia vote in the Parliament last month. It's no wonder their most successful PM declared 'there's no such thing as society' because they don't think or care about it, its all about me, I, myself and fuck the rest of you.
So there you have it, Mr Brown if your reading here is your Election message for 2009, 'Vote Labour because we're nice'
This issue came into sharper focus for me a couple of weeks ago. Some student on an Erasmus year studying in Europe had begged a couple of weeks work experience in our office and so I had to give him the obligatory tour of the Parliament, 'you will get lost here... here you'll definitely get lost... if you ever end up here you're lost' that type of thing. The tour was almost over as we got back to the 13th floor where the office is and I was running out of things to say to this person. Anyway I noticed the pictures on the wall and hit on a weak anecdote.
To contradict the above I have only got lost in the Parliament once. The MEP offices are housed in two separate blocks of the Parliament on opposite sides of the building, one block for the right (ie Tories etc) one for the left. Anyway I once came out of a meeting on the 'dark side' of the building and without thinking went to the nearest lifts and up to the 13th floor forgetting which side I was on. The reason I realised my mistake was because the walls of the 13th floor weren't covered in photos. The place was grey, miserable and mean looking. I'm sure our 13th floor would be the same was it not for all the photos: of MEPs, Assistants, meetings, parties, everything. It makes it really cheerful, bright, a place that is welcoming instead of sucking the life out of you. Anyway I was relaying this to the wide-eyed student next to me and I carried on ramming home my point without really thinking.
'Its little things like this that prove you made the right decision joining us and not them' I said.
At which point a man going through a Strasbourg case (every office has one for the monthly exodus) in the corridor laughed, I looked at him and realised it was Stephen Hughes, MEP for the North East. Smiling he said:
'Yeah Vote Labour because we're nice people!'
And we all laughed.
But then I got thinking abit (I guess it was a slow day) and I thought actually that is by far the best political message ever! Vote for us because we are NICE!
And its bloody true! I've met plenty of people in the Labour Party, many have annoyed me, angered me, pissed me off but I know for a fact that in their own special way they will go out of their way to help others, to make things better for those around them: they are nice. And you can extrapolate this idea out further. For the same reason we put photos on our walls, to cheer others up, make things abit better, Socialist MEPs treat their Interns better, they campaign for equality and an ending of poverty, they voted last month to denounce Homophobeia in Poland and demand the Commission look at the situation, not because it affects them but because they want to help.
And in the same way we can go beyond the lack of photos on the walls in the tory corridor. They didn't do that because it would take effort on their part and hey my office is alright so who cares? Screw the rest of them. The right protects their class interests, they pull the ladder up behind them, they are alright so screw everybody else. That's why one Tory MEP only ever hires blonde big-bosomed Interns and harrasses them, thats why they side with their mates in big business, thats why it was Tories who brought in Section 28 and who even today abstained on the Homophobeia vote in the Parliament last month. It's no wonder their most successful PM declared 'there's no such thing as society' because they don't think or care about it, its all about me, I, myself and fuck the rest of you.
So there you have it, Mr Brown if your reading here is your Election message for 2009, 'Vote Labour because we're nice'
Wednesday 9 May 2007
Some photos...
To stop complaints I've dug out some photos, enjoy...
Random shots from various points...
Some from my random birthday bash in the office...
Some from my random birthday bash in the office...
And some of the Parliament!
Tuesday 8 May 2007
Bugering off to Brugge...
Last Friday saw a leaving-do on the 13th floor of the European Parliament. This is however something you get used to pretty quick around here. What with the staff turnover being so high and the lack of career progression beyond the level of Assistant, the office leaving-do is a common occurance. However what is not a common occurance is the consumption of 5 bottles of wine by two Assistants and a Stagiare to mark the occassion...
Saturday morning arrives with the usual cacophony of church bells from down the road. However unlike usual once the bells stop the ringing in my head doesn't... vague recollections... of capturing a small EPP (tory) TeddyBear and emailing certain tory assistants that unless our demands were met it would meet its end... in a bar feeding popcorn to a girl who was sat on my knee...
Hmmm
After painfully opening my eyes I could see neither the Bear or the girl were in my room, think I'll put that one down as a score draw then. I also remembered that I had left my bag with my train tickets to Brugge in the office. 'Damn' I would of said had my tongue not been made of a dangerously unusable mixture of sandpaper and spam.
I would of said this because Staurday was 'Europe Day' and so there was an open day for the public at the Parliament. Walking over to the Parliament past the Commission it was quite surreal seeing the different events and sideshows that were on to entertain the visitors. A Bouncy Castle was something I never expected to see in the grounds of Berlaymont I can assure you! Still it was quite interesting to see how much the EU apparently wants to open up to citizens and get them on board. Pity they can't put a bouncy castle outside Whitehall, imagine the civil servants horror!
After successfully getting my tickets and catching my train I arrived in Brugge at about half 4 and went and met Andrew and Sharon in the Markt (main square in the city). For those who don't know Andrew and Sharon are two Aussies who have been living in Oulton for the past 12 months and have been touring Europe for the last month or so before going back to Brisbane. Their last stop before Heathrow was Brugge and so I said I'd meet up with them.
Brugge is always described as an example of a 'medieval city' and in many ways I guess it is, but I think this is somewhat overdone especially if your from the UK, places like Edinburgh and York are just as 'historic'. Effectively the main medieval bits are two squares and some bits which can only be seen from the canals. Other than that what it means by a 'historic city' is the streets are narrow and cobbled and everything is double the price! Having said that we did see some intereting things and some stunning architecture, mostly via my prefered method of touristing: wandering around barely paying attention and viewing the world from terrace bars!
That said, and with so much catching up to do it was unavoidable that we sampled the Belgian beers to excess Saturday night and only once failed to avoid a tourist-trap expensive bar, we also sampled some fine Belgian quisine. That's right! We found a gourmet Kebab Restaurant!!!
Bar a pissed up pair of Ruger-buggers invading the room at about five in the morning the hostel was fine and so I was in fine fettle when I made my way back out on Sunday. At this juncture I should point out that two things made me distinctly uncomfortable on my trip to Brugge. The first was the fact that Brugge is in Flanders, where of course they speak Dutch and despise French. However bad my french is this was the first time in my life really that I was without a single word of the local language, little things like 'Hello', 'Thanks', 'Excuse me', 'Sorry' and 'Please', that make you at least seem human and sound polite. Being restricted to hoping people speak English (which in Flanders is basically everyone anyway!) or looking like a simpleton was a bit disconcerting...
The other point was when we decided to go look round an old church. For some reason I always go looking round churches and cathedrals. When people who know I'm a 'devout atheist' ask why I always say 'got to know the enemy' but thinking about it the truth of it is that being devoid of faith and unable to attain it I'm always interested to see what faith does for people. I have visited the Cathedral in Brussels, which Paulina says is boring. A building that took 300 years to complete and saw the deaths of hundreds I find staggering, especially all in the name of faith! Anyway this chapel we visited is home to a very special relic, a vial of the blood of Christ (in all probability a vial of goat/dead beggar/dog blood or not even blood but what the hey!) and when we visited it just so happened to be the day of the year when it is 'venerated' or on show to raise money for the church! So as there is no que we decide to go over and see it, as I walk up to the altar where it is there is a sign saying 'Venerating the relic is an act confirming your devotion to the son of God, please give accordingly.' I know its a cheap way of guilt-tripping the faithful into giving bucketfuls of cash but it did make ME feel a little guilty, and faintly awkward, all the more when he woman taking the donations gave me a beautific smile and a blessing as I tossed a Euro in the box. In the end it was a fancy ornate tube with some very desicated material inside, it may of been blood (if so it had separated into white and red cells before drying out) it may of been anything. I still felt uneasy.
Having spent the best part of two days in each others pockets it was time to say goodbye. We all promised to keep in touch, maybe visit, I gave them a PSE goody bag and that was that, well except for the fact that a marathon cut the city in half for an hour, me on one side, the train station on the other... Brugger!
Saturday morning arrives with the usual cacophony of church bells from down the road. However unlike usual once the bells stop the ringing in my head doesn't... vague recollections... of capturing a small EPP (tory) TeddyBear and emailing certain tory assistants that unless our demands were met it would meet its end... in a bar feeding popcorn to a girl who was sat on my knee...
Hmmm
After painfully opening my eyes I could see neither the Bear or the girl were in my room, think I'll put that one down as a score draw then. I also remembered that I had left my bag with my train tickets to Brugge in the office. 'Damn' I would of said had my tongue not been made of a dangerously unusable mixture of sandpaper and spam.
I would of said this because Staurday was 'Europe Day' and so there was an open day for the public at the Parliament. Walking over to the Parliament past the Commission it was quite surreal seeing the different events and sideshows that were on to entertain the visitors. A Bouncy Castle was something I never expected to see in the grounds of Berlaymont I can assure you! Still it was quite interesting to see how much the EU apparently wants to open up to citizens and get them on board. Pity they can't put a bouncy castle outside Whitehall, imagine the civil servants horror!
After successfully getting my tickets and catching my train I arrived in Brugge at about half 4 and went and met Andrew and Sharon in the Markt (main square in the city). For those who don't know Andrew and Sharon are two Aussies who have been living in Oulton for the past 12 months and have been touring Europe for the last month or so before going back to Brisbane. Their last stop before Heathrow was Brugge and so I said I'd meet up with them.
Brugge is always described as an example of a 'medieval city' and in many ways I guess it is, but I think this is somewhat overdone especially if your from the UK, places like Edinburgh and York are just as 'historic'. Effectively the main medieval bits are two squares and some bits which can only be seen from the canals. Other than that what it means by a 'historic city' is the streets are narrow and cobbled and everything is double the price! Having said that we did see some intereting things and some stunning architecture, mostly via my prefered method of touristing: wandering around barely paying attention and viewing the world from terrace bars!
That said, and with so much catching up to do it was unavoidable that we sampled the Belgian beers to excess Saturday night and only once failed to avoid a tourist-trap expensive bar, we also sampled some fine Belgian quisine. That's right! We found a gourmet Kebab Restaurant!!!
Bar a pissed up pair of Ruger-buggers invading the room at about five in the morning the hostel was fine and so I was in fine fettle when I made my way back out on Sunday. At this juncture I should point out that two things made me distinctly uncomfortable on my trip to Brugge. The first was the fact that Brugge is in Flanders, where of course they speak Dutch and despise French. However bad my french is this was the first time in my life really that I was without a single word of the local language, little things like 'Hello', 'Thanks', 'Excuse me', 'Sorry' and 'Please', that make you at least seem human and sound polite. Being restricted to hoping people speak English (which in Flanders is basically everyone anyway!) or looking like a simpleton was a bit disconcerting...
The other point was when we decided to go look round an old church. For some reason I always go looking round churches and cathedrals. When people who know I'm a 'devout atheist' ask why I always say 'got to know the enemy' but thinking about it the truth of it is that being devoid of faith and unable to attain it I'm always interested to see what faith does for people. I have visited the Cathedral in Brussels, which Paulina says is boring. A building that took 300 years to complete and saw the deaths of hundreds I find staggering, especially all in the name of faith! Anyway this chapel we visited is home to a very special relic, a vial of the blood of Christ (in all probability a vial of goat/dead beggar/dog blood or not even blood but what the hey!) and when we visited it just so happened to be the day of the year when it is 'venerated' or on show to raise money for the church! So as there is no que we decide to go over and see it, as I walk up to the altar where it is there is a sign saying 'Venerating the relic is an act confirming your devotion to the son of God, please give accordingly.' I know its a cheap way of guilt-tripping the faithful into giving bucketfuls of cash but it did make ME feel a little guilty, and faintly awkward, all the more when he woman taking the donations gave me a beautific smile and a blessing as I tossed a Euro in the box. In the end it was a fancy ornate tube with some very desicated material inside, it may of been blood (if so it had separated into white and red cells before drying out) it may of been anything. I still felt uneasy.
Having spent the best part of two days in each others pockets it was time to say goodbye. We all promised to keep in touch, maybe visit, I gave them a PSE goody bag and that was that, well except for the fact that a marathon cut the city in half for an hour, me on one side, the train station on the other... Brugger!
Tuesday 1 May 2007
Strasbourg: waste of money, time and effort; Love it!
It's true, Strasbourg is one of the few times the Rabid, mouth-frothing Euro-sceptics are right. It is a gargantuan waste of money, it's carbon footprint is huge and everyone hates going there but because of a clause in a treaty it stays and Frnace has a veto over getting rid of it. Madness. Add to that the five hour train journey at 7AM on Monday morning to get there and you hate it. Right?
Wrong.
It was great, the city is fantastic and the work was for me great too but we get ahead of ourselves, back to the journey from hell...
I get up at half 5 feeling like the living dead, leaving the house at six. I've left so early as I'm not sure if I will need to walk to the station or if I can get the metro, the metro is open... shit thats 20 minutes in bed I'm not getting back! The Metro is surprisingly full considering its ten past six in the morning, either half of Brussels is going on my train or they do this every day!!! Madness. No job is worth leaving the comfort of bed before 6 every morning...
Get to the platform expecting to see an ultra-modern trans-continental train, at least something like an old Inter-city. No it's a sodding local commuter train from the 1970s, something not even CENTRAL SODDING TRAINS, the WORST bloody Train company in Britain use anymore!!! So much for public transport in Europe being better! Oh and fantastic, there'S no Buffet car. What! No Buffet car!!! NOBODY ON THIS TRAIN HAS HAD BREAKFAST!!! Have I boarded a train to Strasbourg or some sort of masacist-holiday torture train?!?!?
After some pleasant scenery, anouncements in three languages every stop (I swear, I won't be surprised if in twenty years Belgium just speaks English!) and a bizarre ten minute stop in Luxembourg (where the Belgian crew was replaced by a French one, and those who were desperate enough ran off to get food and drink!) we eventually arrived in Strasbourg at 1257. After checking in to my Hotel, I went to McDonalds (I know but I was desperate) and then jumped on the Tram. Okay, the train may of been shit but Public Transport is still so much better over the channel. The Trams were all uber-modern super-slick and pretty fast and for a single journey it was 1€30!
Getting to the Parliament was like beeing back on day 1. Not really knowing where I was and beeing a bit wide-eyed-stupid about it all. The Parliament in Strasbourg is on two sides of a canal (with only one bridge between the two parts), and from the road entrances I think it is ugly. Only from the canalside does the building look good (which is of course where all the pictures are taken). The layout (on both banks of a canal for God's sake! Bloody stupid!) means you also spend about 2 hours a day walking... It is ridiculous! Still the work was really interesting all week. Because Chris the main assistant wasn't there it meant I was doing alot of his job too, which meant attending all the committee's and group meetings (always funny, President of the Socialists is a bald German who gets angry alot... hilarious!) and other stuff too.
Strasbourg itself is great too, a really chilled out city with a good nightlife (although I'm told this is significantly worse when the Parliament is not there). An example of how chilled out it is was on the first night there. We had been planning on going to a restaurant in town, but after settling in at a Peristroika's Bar (what a fucking cool name!) me and Mario (a cheecky Spaniard who works for another MEP) had decided to blow it off and just get a Kebab later on. Anyway as we're sat there the President of the European Parliament (equal to the Speaker of the House of Commons or maybe the Lord Chancellor) just strolls by, no security, no worries, just out for a stroll and a beer! Later on in the week I was witness to him cracking on to a pretty female assistant in the lift, spot on!
On Wednesday the President of India was in town to sign a cooperation deal and make a speech to the full Parliament Plenary session. I've said it before but its true, this place is important. Does anybody really think that the leader of the biggest democracy in the world would make a speech to 800 MEPs if they didn't matter? Thursday morning then saw Segolene Royal arrive and do a event with the Socialist group. Unfortunately I couldn't go as I was finishing off in the office before knocking off at lunchtime to explore the city. The old city is on an island in the river (not sure which one but its a tributary to the Rhine) and is a great place to wander round... that is if your not in a work suit sweating in 30 oC heat! After some sight seeing it was back on the train from hell for the encore performance...
Still despite all that I'd go again!
Wrong.
It was great, the city is fantastic and the work was for me great too but we get ahead of ourselves, back to the journey from hell...
I get up at half 5 feeling like the living dead, leaving the house at six. I've left so early as I'm not sure if I will need to walk to the station or if I can get the metro, the metro is open... shit thats 20 minutes in bed I'm not getting back! The Metro is surprisingly full considering its ten past six in the morning, either half of Brussels is going on my train or they do this every day!!! Madness. No job is worth leaving the comfort of bed before 6 every morning...
Get to the platform expecting to see an ultra-modern trans-continental train, at least something like an old Inter-city. No it's a sodding local commuter train from the 1970s, something not even CENTRAL SODDING TRAINS, the WORST bloody Train company in Britain use anymore!!! So much for public transport in Europe being better! Oh and fantastic, there'S no Buffet car. What! No Buffet car!!! NOBODY ON THIS TRAIN HAS HAD BREAKFAST!!! Have I boarded a train to Strasbourg or some sort of masacist-holiday torture train?!?!?
After some pleasant scenery, anouncements in three languages every stop (I swear, I won't be surprised if in twenty years Belgium just speaks English!) and a bizarre ten minute stop in Luxembourg (where the Belgian crew was replaced by a French one, and those who were desperate enough ran off to get food and drink!) we eventually arrived in Strasbourg at 1257. After checking in to my Hotel, I went to McDonalds (I know but I was desperate) and then jumped on the Tram. Okay, the train may of been shit but Public Transport is still so much better over the channel. The Trams were all uber-modern super-slick and pretty fast and for a single journey it was 1€30!
Getting to the Parliament was like beeing back on day 1. Not really knowing where I was and beeing a bit wide-eyed-stupid about it all. The Parliament in Strasbourg is on two sides of a canal (with only one bridge between the two parts), and from the road entrances I think it is ugly. Only from the canalside does the building look good (which is of course where all the pictures are taken). The layout (on both banks of a canal for God's sake! Bloody stupid!) means you also spend about 2 hours a day walking... It is ridiculous! Still the work was really interesting all week. Because Chris the main assistant wasn't there it meant I was doing alot of his job too, which meant attending all the committee's and group meetings (always funny, President of the Socialists is a bald German who gets angry alot... hilarious!) and other stuff too.
Strasbourg itself is great too, a really chilled out city with a good nightlife (although I'm told this is significantly worse when the Parliament is not there). An example of how chilled out it is was on the first night there. We had been planning on going to a restaurant in town, but after settling in at a Peristroika's Bar (what a fucking cool name!) me and Mario (a cheecky Spaniard who works for another MEP) had decided to blow it off and just get a Kebab later on. Anyway as we're sat there the President of the European Parliament (equal to the Speaker of the House of Commons or maybe the Lord Chancellor) just strolls by, no security, no worries, just out for a stroll and a beer! Later on in the week I was witness to him cracking on to a pretty female assistant in the lift, spot on!
On Wednesday the President of India was in town to sign a cooperation deal and make a speech to the full Parliament Plenary session. I've said it before but its true, this place is important. Does anybody really think that the leader of the biggest democracy in the world would make a speech to 800 MEPs if they didn't matter? Thursday morning then saw Segolene Royal arrive and do a event with the Socialist group. Unfortunately I couldn't go as I was finishing off in the office before knocking off at lunchtime to explore the city. The old city is on an island in the river (not sure which one but its a tributary to the Rhine) and is a great place to wander round... that is if your not in a work suit sweating in 30 oC heat! After some sight seeing it was back on the train from hell for the encore performance...
Still despite all that I'd go again!
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