Incompetance. Nobody likes it, nobody wants it and everyone is afraid of commiting it.
Accept it seems one group of special people - Lobbyists.
Over the last few months I have had to reassess my opinion of these people. Before coming here I thought that lobbyists actually held some influence, could prove vital allies to industry or pressure groups. Actually the truth is far from it. A Troupe of morbidly-obese travelling acrobats could muster more political acumen and influence than most lobbyists I've met out here.
The majority of lobbying is done by post or email which uniformly goes in the recycle bin (computer or actual). I say uniformly, thats harsh. If it is exceptionally bad then me and Chris might have a chuckle first, or even say 'why do they bother?' as we bin it.
The remainder of the lobbying is done through meetings, or as I should say, the attempt to get meetings. Here the lobbyist deploys his full arsenal of skills and weaponry, namely the Dear Sir/Madam Email or should things get really desperate the telephone call!!! In the rare instances that such cunning tactics and machinations succeed then the lobbyist guides his client to the meeting with skill - by getting the office to come and meet them - and then sits in on the meeting usually to great effect, if the effect desired is some sort of dumb mute sat down in the corner. I've actually witnessed this go on!!!
The vast majority of lobbying goes on in this fashion, and it gets worse! Most of the time they will only contact you a couple of days before the vote they want to influence, as if your MEP has just been sat by the phone waiting for them to tell him how to vote! Excusable maybe in a rank amatuer who doesn't know how Parliament works but they wouldn't of got the sodding job in the first place if they didn't have a clue! So they know that weeks (if not longer) before a vote takes place MEPs will discuss reports in their Delegations, their Groups and will have already thrashed out positions and compromises with other Groups - the very lifeblood of politics! They know all of this BUT THEY STILL PHONE UP TWO DAYS BEFORE!!! Only two conclusions can be taken from this, either they have a phobia of MEPs or they are incompetant.
The scary thing is though that some of them appear to have become rather wealthy off the back of all this. Certainly you never see a Lobbyist go hungry. So this leads me to another couple of conclusions. The first is that quite clearly Incompetance in Lobbyists is like Bungs in Football: everyone turns a blind eye as long as its going okay; who cares if the work experience girl could do as good a job she's probably more useful making the tea anyway! The second though is more scary, that maybe lobbyists actually succeed with these tactics with alot of MEPs... Can anyone really be so mentally feeble and ideologically shallow? Oh sorry I forgot, the EPP and the Tories are the biggest group here, that'll explain it!
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Sunday 17 June 2007
If you didn't laugh...
Well then, as promised the news of this last week is here. To be quite honest a shit week that I would quite happily forget on a personal front. But hey, thats not what we're here for and it wouldn't be wallowing self-pity if it was shared now would it? So that means like a druggie enjoying the contents of the syringe in his arm who doesn't know where his next hit will come from I'm going to ignore reality and focus on the interesting, enjoyable and the amusing! If you want reading to depress you try the latest bestselling biography about child-abuse or some other shite that shouldn't be sold as entertainment.
Anyways, as I was travelling back from the UK on Monday my week started on Tuesday, slightly hungover from Monday night, feeling frustrated and with a mountain of work to flatten! I'd only been out of the office Friday and Monday but it appeared the evil gods of Postal services and Emails had entered an unholy alliance against me and lo, my desk was covered in unopened mail, my inbox was full of spam, annoying info and invites and my filing system was sundered...
By the time Alan Johnson arrived I had just about got on top of it all allowing me to go along and see what the latest Deputy Leader candidate would try and tempt us with. 'Get your Council Houses here! Get 'em whilst there hot!'
After that I thought I'd stay around for the main EPLP meeting but was actually falling asleep by 8ish due to the complete lack of sleep all weekend so went home had something to eat and fell into a coma!
Wednesday was a busy day which properly kicked off with a Trade Union meeting Stephen Hughes was hosting. It was about a scandal in which 43 factories are shutting, 3,000 people including 2,300 disabled people are losing there jobs due to management incompetance and prejudice. The company is called Remploy, who cater specifically for Disabled people so this situation is quite appalling. Anyway that then consumed most of my Wednesday. It was this day that I also got clobbered to help out at the Stagiare Party on Friday night.
It was being organized by the EP Stagiare Association, a nascent Trade Union (not that we can call it that, we want tories to join afterall!) for trainees which campaigns for better rights and parties as well! Anyway the party was at the Claridge club but to cut back on costs the Cloakroom and Ticket desk were being manned by volunteers and as I always attend meetings and stuff I was finally cornered and grudgingly agreed to help. To all fellow doormats out there heed my lesson: If capitulation is unavoidable get it over with early so you can bag the least worst job! As I had ducked and dived for a week and a half trying to avoid volunteering the result was I was stuck with 1 till 3 in the pissing morning on the cloakroom. Fan-fucking-tastic!
Thursday aftenoons Assitants meeting took a great deal of pleasure in my downfall I can assure you!
After rolling up at the party with some friends at about 11 and contenting myself with polite conversation and a few bottles of Stella I took my sentance like a man; a petulent man railing against the world and damning every god under the sun but a man none the less.
Actually it was quite fun and having so many good looking girls smiling at you gets addictive, even if they were just after their coats. All in all when I left at five in the morning I should of been quite content. I was not however, but thats another story, suffice to say 'fucking bitches'
I don't know, if you didn't laugh...
Anyways, as I was travelling back from the UK on Monday my week started on Tuesday, slightly hungover from Monday night, feeling frustrated and with a mountain of work to flatten! I'd only been out of the office Friday and Monday but it appeared the evil gods of Postal services and Emails had entered an unholy alliance against me and lo, my desk was covered in unopened mail, my inbox was full of spam, annoying info and invites and my filing system was sundered...
By the time Alan Johnson arrived I had just about got on top of it all allowing me to go along and see what the latest Deputy Leader candidate would try and tempt us with. 'Get your Council Houses here! Get 'em whilst there hot!'
After that I thought I'd stay around for the main EPLP meeting but was actually falling asleep by 8ish due to the complete lack of sleep all weekend so went home had something to eat and fell into a coma!
Wednesday was a busy day which properly kicked off with a Trade Union meeting Stephen Hughes was hosting. It was about a scandal in which 43 factories are shutting, 3,000 people including 2,300 disabled people are losing there jobs due to management incompetance and prejudice. The company is called Remploy, who cater specifically for Disabled people so this situation is quite appalling. Anyway that then consumed most of my Wednesday. It was this day that I also got clobbered to help out at the Stagiare Party on Friday night.
It was being organized by the EP Stagiare Association, a nascent Trade Union (not that we can call it that, we want tories to join afterall!) for trainees which campaigns for better rights and parties as well! Anyway the party was at the Claridge club but to cut back on costs the Cloakroom and Ticket desk were being manned by volunteers and as I always attend meetings and stuff I was finally cornered and grudgingly agreed to help. To all fellow doormats out there heed my lesson: If capitulation is unavoidable get it over with early so you can bag the least worst job! As I had ducked and dived for a week and a half trying to avoid volunteering the result was I was stuck with 1 till 3 in the pissing morning on the cloakroom. Fan-fucking-tastic!
Thursday aftenoons Assitants meeting took a great deal of pleasure in my downfall I can assure you!
After rolling up at the party with some friends at about 11 and contenting myself with polite conversation and a few bottles of Stella I took my sentance like a man; a petulent man railing against the world and damning every god under the sun but a man none the less.
Actually it was quite fun and having so many good looking girls smiling at you gets addictive, even if they were just after their coats. All in all when I left at five in the morning I should of been quite content. I was not however, but thats another story, suffice to say 'fucking bitches'
I don't know, if you didn't laugh...
Sorry, but its got to be Alan...
That is actually quite painful for me to say as well.
From the start I had backed Alan as my favoured candidate but during the campaign he had been so lacklustre I had wandered. Somewhat like a war refugee, unable to go home but finding nowhere which welcomed or suited me.
He was a strong candidate for valid reasons but was also a weak one for similar reasons. He was English, woriking class, Trade Unionist who had a competant ministerial background and was good on TV and on the doorstep. However the problem was due to his strengths he would definitely get a big ministerial job and he knew it; he hadn't appeared too interested in sorting the mess that is the Party out and had no proper ideas about it; his ministerial background had been abit too much 'talk left, act right' about it too. But the others were worse. Peter Hain had impressed me during the campaign with what he said but he used to be a Liberal so he was gone; Harriet Harmen said all the right things but it was so false it was laughable, and all her staff hate her guts - not a good indicator; John Cruddas had some great ideas about the Party but presented them in a truly appaling way - like a rapper who had swallowed an economics textbook; Hilary Benn was just doing it to position himself for 'after Gordon' and was far too vacuous and polished; Hazel Blears had performed well but is politically evil.
So then where does that leave us? I approached the EPLP meeting with Alan Johnson on Tuesday night like a cuckolded old man approaches his sexy young wife: I knew I was being cheated and would continue to be but damn it, give me a reason to stay and I will! In this state I listened with detachment, sometimes amusement and growing apprehension.
It was just like the rest of the campaign, he said alot of good things (Councils should be allowed to build Council houses - thats a novel one hey?) he spoke alot of common sense and he cracked a few decent jokes, but he never quite sold it to me. He was good but great, I was impressed in a detached, professional sort of way but not impressed in a Moses to the masses kinda way. I walked out in exactly the same way as I walked in, edgy, dispassionate and unconvinced.
So there you go. I've now seen four of the six candidates speak to the EPLP and ge grilled by them too. The best performance was Blears but as I said, shes evil. After that Benn pissed me off, Cruddas drove me nuts and Johnson missed bis chance. Harman cancelled and Hain never even bothered that much. Maybe I should abstain? Or maybe a spoilt ballot? But thats not my way, not voting is not an option and as at every count I've ever witnessed I've always thought 'tosser' everytime I see a spoilt ballot thats not going to happen either.
So I guess its Johnson.
Oh well, I guess this is the problem when the election is solely between the good guys, I mean its like asking someone which one of the Three Musketeers should avoid getting skewered by Cardianal Richelieu's henchmen - how do you pick? You start having to pick holes in the heros. Porthos is a lovable rogue but does that mean he deserves the chop cause he's a drunken letch? Who could make that choice?!?!? Picking holes in them just leaves you feeling dispirited with their world and depressed about the result. And so it is with this election for me. Blears might be evil but I prefer it when I can see the Salford-girl-done-good batter a tory on Question Time; Benn might be vacuous but I prefer it when I see him enthusing about helping the world's poor and Porthos might be a drunken letch with more sti's than a Bangkok ladyboy but damn it hes good fun and he's handy with both of his swords!
Besides to complete my Three Musketeers analogy, everything is better when its 'One for all, and all for one'!
From the start I had backed Alan as my favoured candidate but during the campaign he had been so lacklustre I had wandered. Somewhat like a war refugee, unable to go home but finding nowhere which welcomed or suited me.
He was a strong candidate for valid reasons but was also a weak one for similar reasons. He was English, woriking class, Trade Unionist who had a competant ministerial background and was good on TV and on the doorstep. However the problem was due to his strengths he would definitely get a big ministerial job and he knew it; he hadn't appeared too interested in sorting the mess that is the Party out and had no proper ideas about it; his ministerial background had been abit too much 'talk left, act right' about it too. But the others were worse. Peter Hain had impressed me during the campaign with what he said but he used to be a Liberal so he was gone; Harriet Harmen said all the right things but it was so false it was laughable, and all her staff hate her guts - not a good indicator; John Cruddas had some great ideas about the Party but presented them in a truly appaling way - like a rapper who had swallowed an economics textbook; Hilary Benn was just doing it to position himself for 'after Gordon' and was far too vacuous and polished; Hazel Blears had performed well but is politically evil.
So then where does that leave us? I approached the EPLP meeting with Alan Johnson on Tuesday night like a cuckolded old man approaches his sexy young wife: I knew I was being cheated and would continue to be but damn it, give me a reason to stay and I will! In this state I listened with detachment, sometimes amusement and growing apprehension.
It was just like the rest of the campaign, he said alot of good things (Councils should be allowed to build Council houses - thats a novel one hey?) he spoke alot of common sense and he cracked a few decent jokes, but he never quite sold it to me. He was good but great, I was impressed in a detached, professional sort of way but not impressed in a Moses to the masses kinda way. I walked out in exactly the same way as I walked in, edgy, dispassionate and unconvinced.
So there you go. I've now seen four of the six candidates speak to the EPLP and ge grilled by them too. The best performance was Blears but as I said, shes evil. After that Benn pissed me off, Cruddas drove me nuts and Johnson missed bis chance. Harman cancelled and Hain never even bothered that much. Maybe I should abstain? Or maybe a spoilt ballot? But thats not my way, not voting is not an option and as at every count I've ever witnessed I've always thought 'tosser' everytime I see a spoilt ballot thats not going to happen either.
So I guess its Johnson.
Oh well, I guess this is the problem when the election is solely between the good guys, I mean its like asking someone which one of the Three Musketeers should avoid getting skewered by Cardianal Richelieu's henchmen - how do you pick? You start having to pick holes in the heros. Porthos is a lovable rogue but does that mean he deserves the chop cause he's a drunken letch? Who could make that choice?!?!? Picking holes in them just leaves you feeling dispirited with their world and depressed about the result. And so it is with this election for me. Blears might be evil but I prefer it when I can see the Salford-girl-done-good batter a tory on Question Time; Benn might be vacuous but I prefer it when I see him enthusing about helping the world's poor and Porthos might be a drunken letch with more sti's than a Bangkok ladyboy but damn it hes good fun and he's handy with both of his swords!
Besides to complete my Three Musketeers analogy, everything is better when its 'One for all, and all for one'!
Thursday 14 June 2007
Long time no speak...
So then I'm back, I bet you all thought I'd failed on Palestine and been thrown into the asylum hey? Unlucky! I'm still here I got the report in (although now its probably worthless being two weeks old) and they released me back into the community!!!
So whats been going on I hear you all clamour? Well a couple of busy weeks I can tell you that for nothing!
Having had two weeks on my own, Mini-Plenary week arrived in the same fashion as a bunch of teenagers playing with fireworks - annoying, predictable and dangerous to anybody in a 100 yard radius. Only this time it had the added spice of Gary's Constituency Office Manager and Regional Political Advisor coming over for a strategy week, something like going over to those teenagers and saying 'Hey kids here's a Catherine Wheel, go nuts!' Don't get me wrong, they are nice people and some of the things we discussed were important BUT they did get in the way, steal my desk to check their bloody email several times aday (okay thats what I do but hey, its my desk!) and generally cramp our style. On the Wednesday me and Chris were having to juggle about five meetings at the same time as well as keep an eye on voting lists and debates and having to interupt this to show someone how to open their email account or use the sodding fax machine was - to be honest - ever so slightly ANNOYING!!!!!
That said their arrival did mean that Gary was in a jovial mood and he took us all out for a Mexican meal on the monday near Porte De Namur Metro stop. As I was showing the Constituency people where their Hotel was I was also tasked with taking them to the Restaurant. Unfortunately I had heard near Porte de Hal not Porte de Namur, so we managed to be abit - ahem - late... Ever meet a sherpa called George don't trust him, in fact smile politely and hire the next sherpa you find to be your guide, preferably one without a hearing problem...
The next night we also got invited round to the EPLP Secretary General's house for a meal. Every time the London office or Constituency bods come over this happens but it was the first time I'd been invited. Now as I was currently applying for a EPLP job I couldn't help but take this as a good sign - and several other people seemed to as well. Funny then it was - I'm sure you can imagine - when on Thursday afternoon when everything was finally calming down, the Constituency office had gone, Gary had gone, in fact I was in the office on my own messing around on Facebook when Giampi - the Secretary General - came in. Shortlisting had been going on that day and he felt the need to tell me in person that I had not been... He said that they had had over fifty applicants and some had decades of experience and were councillors amongst other things... He tried to say that he thought that I had a strong CV and stuff but I cut him off.
'Its fine. I always knew I didn't really have enough experience.' I said 'I wouldn't of applied had Gary not TOLD me to. Heh. At least I should get a good reference hey?' I said, finally allowing a hint of disgust enter my tone.
'Oh absolutely, you'll get an excellent reference off Gary' he said in his soft generic Mediteranean accent. 'And if you need any help from us just ask...' he finished trailing off.
'Thanks, I'll see you later then' I responded, wanting to say 'GET OUT OF MY DAMN OFFICE SO I CAN START SWEARING MY HEAD OFF!!!'
He seemed to pick up the hint and left. And I started swearing my head off. Oh well plenty more jobs to apply for I guess.
That weekend I spent in Lancaster, forgeting my job failure, spending my rent money on booze, playing that fun game 'pull a Tory', having a depressingly small bonfire, and catching up with friends.
This week has been Group week, Alan Johnson has visited to tell us why he should be Deputy Leader, and plenty of other shit has gone on but I will update you on that in another post later on! Oh and to certain people - don't worry I've paid my rent.
So whats been going on I hear you all clamour? Well a couple of busy weeks I can tell you that for nothing!
Having had two weeks on my own, Mini-Plenary week arrived in the same fashion as a bunch of teenagers playing with fireworks - annoying, predictable and dangerous to anybody in a 100 yard radius. Only this time it had the added spice of Gary's Constituency Office Manager and Regional Political Advisor coming over for a strategy week, something like going over to those teenagers and saying 'Hey kids here's a Catherine Wheel, go nuts!' Don't get me wrong, they are nice people and some of the things we discussed were important BUT they did get in the way, steal my desk to check their bloody email several times aday (okay thats what I do but hey, its my desk!) and generally cramp our style. On the Wednesday me and Chris were having to juggle about five meetings at the same time as well as keep an eye on voting lists and debates and having to interupt this to show someone how to open their email account or use the sodding fax machine was - to be honest - ever so slightly ANNOYING!!!!!
That said their arrival did mean that Gary was in a jovial mood and he took us all out for a Mexican meal on the monday near Porte De Namur Metro stop. As I was showing the Constituency people where their Hotel was I was also tasked with taking them to the Restaurant. Unfortunately I had heard near Porte de Hal not Porte de Namur, so we managed to be abit - ahem - late... Ever meet a sherpa called George don't trust him, in fact smile politely and hire the next sherpa you find to be your guide, preferably one without a hearing problem...
The next night we also got invited round to the EPLP Secretary General's house for a meal. Every time the London office or Constituency bods come over this happens but it was the first time I'd been invited. Now as I was currently applying for a EPLP job I couldn't help but take this as a good sign - and several other people seemed to as well. Funny then it was - I'm sure you can imagine - when on Thursday afternoon when everything was finally calming down, the Constituency office had gone, Gary had gone, in fact I was in the office on my own messing around on Facebook when Giampi - the Secretary General - came in. Shortlisting had been going on that day and he felt the need to tell me in person that I had not been... He said that they had had over fifty applicants and some had decades of experience and were councillors amongst other things... He tried to say that he thought that I had a strong CV and stuff but I cut him off.
'Its fine. I always knew I didn't really have enough experience.' I said 'I wouldn't of applied had Gary not TOLD me to. Heh. At least I should get a good reference hey?' I said, finally allowing a hint of disgust enter my tone.
'Oh absolutely, you'll get an excellent reference off Gary' he said in his soft generic Mediteranean accent. 'And if you need any help from us just ask...' he finished trailing off.
'Thanks, I'll see you later then' I responded, wanting to say 'GET OUT OF MY DAMN OFFICE SO I CAN START SWEARING MY HEAD OFF!!!'
He seemed to pick up the hint and left. And I started swearing my head off. Oh well plenty more jobs to apply for I guess.
That weekend I spent in Lancaster, forgeting my job failure, spending my rent money on booze, playing that fun game 'pull a Tory', having a depressingly small bonfire, and catching up with friends.
This week has been Group week, Alan Johnson has visited to tell us why he should be Deputy Leader, and plenty of other shit has gone on but I will update you on that in another post later on! Oh and to certain people - don't worry I've paid my rent.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)