Lobbyists... Why do do they bother?

Incompetance. Nobody likes it, nobody wants it and everyone is afraid of commiting it.

Accept it seems one group of special people - Lobbyists.

Over the last few months I have had to reassess my opinion of these people. Before coming here I thought that lobbyists actually held some influence, could prove vital allies to industry or pressure groups. Actually the truth is far from it. A Troupe of morbidly-obese travelling acrobats could muster more political acumen and influence than most lobbyists I've met out here.

The majority of lobbying is done by post or email which uniformly goes in the recycle bin (computer or actual). I say uniformly, thats harsh. If it is exceptionally bad then me and Chris might have a chuckle first, or even say 'why do they bother?' as we bin it.

The remainder of the lobbying is done through meetings, or as I should say, the attempt to get meetings. Here the lobbyist deploys his full arsenal of skills and weaponry, namely the Dear Sir/Madam Email or should things get really desperate the telephone call!!! In the rare instances that such cunning tactics and machinations succeed then the lobbyist guides his client to the meeting with skill - by getting the office to come and meet them - and then sits in on the meeting usually to great effect, if the effect desired is some sort of dumb mute sat down in the corner. I've actually witnessed this go on!!!

The vast majority of lobbying goes on in this fashion, and it gets worse! Most of the time they will only contact you a couple of days before the vote they want to influence, as if your MEP has just been sat by the phone waiting for them to tell him how to vote! Excusable maybe in a rank amatuer who doesn't know how Parliament works but they wouldn't of got the sodding job in the first place if they didn't have a clue! So they know that weeks (if not longer) before a vote takes place MEPs will discuss reports in their Delegations, their Groups and will have already thrashed out positions and compromises with other Groups - the very lifeblood of politics! They know all of this BUT THEY STILL PHONE UP TWO DAYS BEFORE!!! Only two conclusions can be taken from this, either they have a phobia of MEPs or they are incompetant.

The scary thing is though that some of them appear to have become rather wealthy off the back of all this. Certainly you never see a Lobbyist go hungry. So this leads me to another couple of conclusions. The first is that quite clearly Incompetance in Lobbyists is like Bungs in Football: everyone turns a blind eye as long as its going okay; who cares if the work experience girl could do as good a job she's probably more useful making the tea anyway! The second though is more scary, that maybe lobbyists actually succeed with these tactics with alot of MEPs... Can anyone really be so mentally feeble and ideologically shallow? Oh sorry I forgot, the EPP and the Tories are the biggest group here, that'll explain it!